4 Step Practice for Self-Acceptance
Dear Herd Sis:
Happy belated Mother’s Day! Being a mom can have so many iterations. You can be a mother to humans, fur babies, plants… Hell, sometimes we even mother our own parents. But no matter what, we are all mothers to our own inner child.
See this chubby-cheeked beauty rocking the Dorothy Hamill? That’s me.
Lately, when my inner judge berates me for making a mistake, not knowing something, or being out-of-shape, I look for that picture. And it gives me pause.
I can be so hard on myself, but I’ll do just about anything for my kids.
That little girl, my younger self… she still lives within me. She’s my kid too. I would never tell her what the judgy-ass voice in my head tells me. I only want to encourage her, support her, and make her laugh (because she can take life a little too seriously!). She’s innocent and hopeful. By this age, she’s already learned to be a people-pleaser and strive for perfection, so I want to soften that in her. She loves to learn and try new things and experiences. I want to give her all of that. Her life lies ahead of her, and I don’t want to let her down. By cultivating a sense of security and reassurance in her, I am reparenting my inner child in the way that she needed and didn’t always get. And in doing so, I am bringing newfound awareness to my adult self, her beliefs, and choices.
I’ve noticed that since spending time with this photo, I’ve been giving myself more free time and feeling less guilty about it. I even left work early one day to take myself to a movie! Shhh! Don’t tell. I’ve also been able to laugh at my mistakes. And I’ve been following my intuition more. Overall, I’ve just been more relaxed and a little more forgiving, allowing myself to just be instead of always crossing a task off a list.
I’d like you to honor yourself by honoring your 1st child…your inner child. Treat her right today. Whatever makes her happy. Let her know she is loved by being kind to her. Remember, every time you beat yourself up, she is hearing and absorbing that. And every time you show yourself some compassion and forgiveness, you are teaching her self-acceptance. You are teaching yourself self-acceptance.
To make this effective, we’ve created a simple 4-step process for you. Please note this is not a one-time fix. This is a practice that will completely change your inner dialogue, but you’ve got to do it consistently.
Choose one photograph of your younger self to work with. Keep it handy. I keep mine in my journal, so sometimes I’ll happen upon it without intending to. It serves as a constant reminder to be kind to myself and to make choices that will make her proud, excited, and happy.
Become aware of your inner dialogue. Do you back away from opportunities you want because you tell yourself you are not worthy or ready? Do you hold onto past mistakes and play them over and over again in your mind? Pay attention to the words you use and the feelings they elicit in you!
Tell your inner judge to back the eff off. Call them out on their bullying behavior. Your inner judge is a mental construct. It is not who you really are.
Practice self-compassion. Bust out that photo and look into the eyes of your innocent self. Think about the loving messages you would send to this little cutie. You can say them aloud, in your head, or write them in a journal. The key here is to use “I am” with these statements. For example… “I am brave for trying something new!” “I am proud of myself for putting myself out there.” “I am cute as a button!”
Here is some added incentive to commit to this practice: When you shift your energy toward yourself, it affects those around you. The better you treat yourself, the better equipped you are to make good decisions (not fear-based ones!) and be a positive influence. You are teaching those around you also to be kind to themselves. When we have patience and compassion for ourselves, we definitely have it for our loved ones too.
Finally, I think it would be super cool if we all shared our childhood pics along with some loving "I am" statements in the comments below. I did this exercise as part of a Positive Intelligence Coach Training and it was very moving and powerful! In fact, this entire post was inspired by my PQ Coach Training.
No pressure but I do want you to remember that this is a safe and supportive space.
Lots of love,
Carolyn